The other day I was in a strip club getting a lap dance…
and I asked the stripper for her number. Yes her. and no not for a date. We were having a conversation (ish) and I just thought, you know what, maybe this girl needs a friend…and it can be hard to make new friends in Vegas. She actually agreed, and we will likely hang out in the near future.
I have met several new people lately…but I find that it can be difficult to let them into my life.
Often times on my long drives home from work at 8am lately, I have had these introspective moments when I look at why I am the way I am…and how I got here. As I have moved forward in my adult life since college, I have had to learn new ways to make friends and really put myself out there. However ultimately, these things, friendships and dating, are difficult for me because I just don’t really trust people. Sad? maybe. Reality? yes. Yet as I look to my friends now and the future, I have looked back at the friends who have made me who I am. In doing so, two groups stand out. One group from high school, and another from college.
As an adult (young or old), have you ever thought about who has affected your life….or maybe whose life you have affected…through your friendships? I wasn’t picked on alot growing up, but I can pin point the exact moments when I was, and who said things, and how I felt. I had a hard time trusting girls growing up. I know some of this comes from middle and high school girl-hormone-emotion-bitchiness. But really, I never trusted girls completely, really people. I kind of just liked to watch. Which many people mistook for arrogance. Except for a group of three girls in high school. We were inseparable. I’d like to think I was my whole self with them. You know, those girls you grow up with, you learn about yourselves with, blah blah. But then senior year came around and everything changed. And it felt like they had completely turned on me and just stabbed me in the back. Blunt, I know, but elaboration would be its own epically boring blog post. I don’t think the scar on my heart will ever be gone from that year.
But this isn’t about a sob story from 6 years ago.
Because then I went to college. And I was pretty freaking miserable for a year (wait i thought this wasnt a sob story…stay with me) and was even thinking about transferring…until I met a group of 5 guys who turned everything around. Literally. I don’t know that I would be where I am without them. I’d like to think so, but I don’t think it would have been as happy and fun getting here. These guys took me under their wings I suppose, or at least let me pretend to be one of the guys. Hell, I even dated one of them for 3 years (and he was a wonderful boyfriend and is still a great person). They introduced me to new things, they kept me healthy when I was a bit crazy, they embraced me for who I was. I still keep in contact with almost all of them and even if I didn’t I would still do anything for any of them. I’m not sure they ever really understood the impact they had on my life (unless you’re reading this…then heyyyy). Which makes me wonder how many people I have affected.
Do you have experiences like this? Are you thinking of those critical moments and people that have been in your life up until now?
How many people have I affected in either a positive or negative way. When people look back at their high school, college, adult lives…how many will think of me in disdain or in kindness? Maybe these are more thoughts of someone looking back on a life long lived. I haven’t lived that long relatively speaking but it makes me want to be a force of good in people’s lives.
Think about the people who have made your life better. Have you told them lately?
There are so many stories on the news these days about kids being bullied and kids hurting themselves or others due to bullying. It is incredibly depressing. How do we end up that way, and when we do behave like that…as adults, how can we change? I am going to stop here before I get too hippy-rainbows-flowers on you.
This isn’t me saying go out and hug the world. Simply me being thankful for the positive people in my life, and wanting to make a conscious decision to be a positive person in other people’s lives. It is incredible how much we can know about humans and each other, and still be so unable to tell how what we say can affect someone at certain times in their lives.
So to my old friends and my new friends and my true friends. Thanks for making my life rock.
And for the people I have hurt, I am sorry.